Trying to be evil.

>Today, my miraculous record for finding awesome mobile telephones was augmented by the addition of a Nokia 9300 Personal Communicator (CHF 999 rrp) to my list.*

I got onto my train at 7am this morning and sat in my seat waiting for the train to depart. Normailly, I put my head down and read my book and listen to my iPod, but the seat that I wanted today was slow to be evacuated so I was still too busy huffing about the stupid slow bitch who wouldn’t move.

I have always said that huffing is my way of coping with the world. Truly, the anger that builds up inside me over trivial things is ridiculous. However, I don’t really get too bothered by big stuff so it balances out. Anyway, thanks to the huffing, I spied said mobile phone on the other seat/table-y thing and nabbed it.

Immediately, I thought of how I could get this phone back to its rightful owner, but was worried about having to go through the whole speaking in Swiss German on the telephone to a stranger blah blah thing. Instead, I tried to ascertain if the persons details were inside the address book or messages. I did find the number of their home and called when I got to the office. Then I called her husband and told him I had the phone so he arranged for them to pick it up tonight. Coolio.

The thing is, when I showed it to my colleague and said, look what I found, his immediate response was “That’s an awesome phone! You’re keeping it right?” I thought to myself “Shit, in Australia, I would have had the other SIM card out and thrown off a freeway bridge** and mine in there before the other person even knew they’d lost it.”

Somehow, my first reaction was to try to find the person so my karma must be going up.

Until, that is, I went through the messages*** (it’s ok, this is the internet – nothing’s true) and found out that the owner of the phone gives her husband good blow jobs and likes analbümsä (anal sex)!!! Wa-hey, things are getting interesting. I can’t wait to see this chick when she picks up the phone. Immediately on the phone to Ms. Mac and we had a little chuckle over the peek into someone else’s boudoir.

Fast forward to tonight. Round these parts, it is customary to pay a finder’s fee to people who return your shit to you, so I was quite looking forward to seeing how much this chick valued her phone. When the buzzer rang, I nearly ripped the door off its hinges because I was dying to know a) what the sexy / dirty chick who owned the phone looked like and b) how much Finderlohn I was gonna get.

Let me say that I have never been more disappointed to have someone put CHF 50 in my hand in my life!!! The old lady (she was past 50 – and that’s too old for anal action in my books) was skinny and bespectacled and not anything like the hot sexy bitch I was hoping to see.

Moral of the story: 50 Francs or not, don’t get too invested in the owners of Nokia 9300 phones. They’re not as hot as their SMSes would have you believe.

*Also found a Motorola flip phone when they were small and awesome!
** Didn’t give it back – actually did this with their SIM, used it for a year and a half then sold it to Cash Converters for $80 – I’m burnin’ baby, I’m burnin’!
*** The good / evil balance is restored