>In a previous post (the one directly below, I believe), the bodacious and bootylicious ms. mac asked me a question about sonic booms. The question was quite a good one and certainly not the silliest thing she’s ever asked me. However, the route that we took to get to that question was a little bit…silly, shall we say?

1. Picture it! Zürich, 2005. A beautiful young peasant girl and her ruggedly handsome husband are travelling to the airport in their horse-drawn, vintage Mercedes.

ms. mac: I wonder how long it will take to get to Paris.
mr. mac: Only about an hour, probably less, I’d think.
ms. mac: Cool! Is that because of how fast the plane will be going? Do you think we’ll break the sound barrier? Will there be a sonic boom?*
mr. mac: *Laughs indulgently in that superior manner employed by all husbands when asked “technical ” questions by their wives* No m’dear, it’s because of how close it is! You will be nowhere near the sound barrier.
ms. mac: Oh ok – that’s a shame. So, what causes a sonic boom then?

and….scene!

2. Yesterday, whilst talking very articulately about the lack of progress that the governments of the world have made in combatting poverty, we somehow got onto the talk of numbers. ms. mac made a very forthright statement about the billions, nay trillions of dollarpounds that could be spent to end poverty (and quite rightly too). Then, in a totally endearing but still quite silly way asked the question: “Trillions are more than billions, right?” Yes baby, they are, and gajillions are more than trillions.

I ask you, what’s not to love about this woman?

*small amount of embellishment included for comedic effect

>ms. mac asked me a question on the way to the airport yesterday morning:
“What causes a sonic boom?” and she also posed the supplementary question: “Can a pilot hear the sonic boom that his aircraft creates?”

I’ll answer the first question first (which seems logical):

When an aircraft travels through air, it leaves a wake behind it just like a speedboat does as it travels across a lake. Of course, the wake is a three-dimensional cone rather that a two-dimensional vee.

Now, remember the last time you were at the lake and those arseholes were cruising up and down the lake whilst you were trying to relax in the middle? Do you remember the sound as the waves from the boat’s wake crashed onto the shore? As the plane flies along, it drags the cone of pressure waves along behind it like a skirt. As the waves of air crash into the surface of the land below and behind the aircraft, we hear a sound like an explosion. The sound of the turbulent waves of air “smash” into the ground is the sonic boom.

In answer to the second question, the pilot doesn’t hear the sound because he is travelling faster than the sound waves so they cannot reach him.

In other news:

The Grumpi was an exceedingly long day and all of us left here at chateau mac are exhausted. The Feuerball team from Ewan’s class didn’t have the best of finshes and football was clearly the winner in that case. The Patrick Stars posted an exceptional 5th (out of 5) so again football was the winner.

However, the Crazy Cows team were absolutley storming and managed to come a very creditable 3rd. Yours truly blasted home a pair of exceptional goals that ms. mac failed to see, owing to her Paris based absence.

I am nbow paralysed and will be forced to drag myself around the house on a skateboard a la Eddie Murphy in Trading Places till the muscles repair and the broken bones knit.

God I feel old!!!

>Weather is absolutley roasting here at the moment. All it does is make me want to live at the Badi. Anyway, this post is basically about nothing and to preview my next exciting post regarding my trip to the Top of Europe on the Jungfraujoch. Admittedly, the highest mountain in Europe is Mont Blanc, but that’s in France and well…..

Here is a sneak preview of what’s coming

That is me in the obligatory “stand by your mountain” blog pic. For the non-cynics out there that is the Jungfrau and I am actually standing on the Joch which runs between the Jungrau and the Monch. An awesome day and I will tell you all about it soon.

In other news, the SBB (the Swiss Railway) suffered a catastrophe yesterday whilst I was waiting to catch my train. They had a total power failure in the entire Swiss railway network and no trains ran at all through Switzerland. I am flabbergasted because as you know, the trains in Switzerland are legendary models of cleanliness and efficiency.

The funniest part of the the story though is that I had my iPod in my ears and didn’t hear the first of the announcements telling us that there were no trains coming for an indefinite period. It wasn’t till I looked at my watch and saw that my train was late, looked at the signal boards on the platforms and realised that they had all gone blank at the same time. Fucking hell! What’s going on here as I yanked the earbuds out of my ears and strained to understand the station announcement made in Swiss German over the tannoy. What a life, hey?

And did I tell you, it’s hot? Fuck me!

>I shamelessly ripped this off from ms. mac, but hey, what are wives for if you can’t nick their stuff. Besides, she has been nicking my stuff a lot lately herself. I have said some cracking little one-liners around the house and she has gone and used them on the blogs TM before I’ve had a chance. If you don’t believe me, ask her yourself.

So here is a probing meme about moi:

What time did you get up this morning? 06:08. First alarm at 06:00, one snooze cycle and into the shower. I used to get up as soon as the alarm went off, but thanks to my snooze-addicted spouse, I have to set the alarm an hour before I need to get up so we can snooze a bit longer. Of course, there is no actual extended sleep time – what am I? Hard of telling the time?
Diamonds or pearls? If I’m buying, it’s cubic zirconia the whole way baby! Except for ms. mac – rubies are the way to that girl’s heart.
What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Star Wars Episode III : Revenge of the Sith. Read my review here.
What is your favourite TV show(S)? The Sopranos, The Daily Show, ER, American Chopper, The Simpsons and Top Gear
What is your middle name? William – the most regal thing about me.
What is your favorite cuisine? I can’t pick one so I’ll say Asian i.e. Chinese, Thai, Indian, Vietnamese. God, anything with rice really.
What foods do you dislike? Have you seen me lately? The obvious answer is none, but in truth, I can’t stand the thought of any offal type products. Having said that, I love, love, LOVE Asda Black Pudding.
What is your favourite crisp/chip flavour? Like most of us, this changes over time. As a kid, I loved Samboy Atomic Tomato, but the all-time fave rave is Chicken Flavoured Ruffles. Much love to anyone who can send me a bag of Chicken Ruffles.
What is your favourite CD at the moment? I don’t “buy” that many CDs anymore, but my fave at the mo’ is still Aha Shake Heartbreak by the Kings of Leon. Do yourself a favour and check it out.
What is your favorite song? Temptation by New Order – the most amazing song ever!
What kind of vehicle do you drive? “Vintage” Mercedes 230TE
What is your favourite sandwich? Chicken Caesar Salad Baguette (chateau mac speciality!)
What characteristics do you despise? Unfaithfulness and infidelity (of any kind).
What is your favourite item of clothing? My groovy new boot-cut jeans. They have a button fly and until recently, I couldn’t buy those sort of clothes. Yay for no longer being relegated to the Mr Big selections!
If you could go anywhere on vacation, where would you go? Caribbean to an all-inclusive resort for the whole mac clan
What colour is your bathroom? It’s predominantly white with grey flashes on the tiles. to be honest, I don’t really care. I spent so long showering in stainless steel cubicles (the latest style onboard warships), so ceramic is a nice change.
What colour pants are you wearing? Red boxers and my wholemeal linen trousers… We all now how much ms. mac loves red, right?
Where would you retire? – Somewhere really close to the CBD / shopping and entertainment area and the beach. In some sort of fabulous penthouse type arrangement – Bondi beach / St. Kilda anyone?
What is your favourite time of the day? Room for One More TM shower time.
What is your most memorable birthday? Probably my 21st which was celebrated in Halifax, Nova Scotia in 1990. It was noteworthy because I got pissed onboard HMCS Can’t Remember and then went clubbing in Halifax. Climbed back into the naval base over the fence because I was too pissed to find the gate, ripped my new jeans. 10 metres beyond the point I climbed over was the gate. Typical!
What’s the last thing you ate? Aldi brand cornflakes with milk.
If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Black. Sensible and practical with the ability to do plenty of damage in the wrong hands.
Who is your favorite cartoon character? Homer J. Simpson or Wile E. Coyote
What is your favorite flower? My wife’s.
What fabric detergent do you use? I don’t use any, but I think ms. mac uses Persil. I just don’t do it right, apparently.
Do you wish on stars? I wish I could lie on top of some stars (Julieanne Moore, Uma Thurman, Kate Moss, Kate Fischer {is she even a star anymore?}…the list is endless). Does that count?
What is your shoe size? Euro 46 / Aussie 12
Do you have any pets? Not anymore, have had a couple of dogs and a heap of tropical fish.
Last person you talked to on the phone? ms. mac who is “enjoying” an end-of-week wrap up of Projektwoche (Project Week) at James’s school.
What did you want to be when you were little? A chef.
What are you meant to be doing now? My company is embroiled in some crazy “Work for your pay”initiative so there are plenty of things I should be doing. I am currently parallel processing this post with some spare parts price calculations and collating some logistic data. Later, I will be…..oh, sorry. did you just nod off then? I know I did!
What do you first notice about someone?

1. Face
2. Shoes (don’t ask me why)
3. Gender
4. The fleshy bits in between 1 and 2

What was your favourite toy as a child? My Dukes of Hazzard slot car set. Fuck that was awesome!
Summer or winter? Winter for me – you can wear such nice clothes without being too hot. Summer for everyone else – loving the skimpy outfits and sandals on the girls lately.
Hugs or Kisses? Can’t I have both?
Chocolate or vanilla? Ditto.
Living arrangements? Currently (and for the last 15 years) the Hunk in Residence at Chateau Mac.
When was the last time you cried? I try to minimise the crying – bad for the complexion.
What is under your bed? ms. mac’s head hair, my body hair, dust, a sleeping bad, discarded trash mags. Could be a couple of tissues with genetic material on them too, but they tend to go in the bin. Too much info anybody?
In how many cities have you lived? Sydney, Melbourne and Zurich but always in a suburb / village approximately 45 minutes from the city.
Favourite movie of all time? Pulp Fiction or Mr. Roberts or Goodfellas or Shawshank Redemption or Magnolia. Can’t / won’t pick one
Mountains or beach? The beach.
Full names of your potential kids? Patrick, James and Ewan are the names of my actual kids. There are no more potential kids possible, unless they are sourced from some external supply. Meaning that ms. mac will have some splaining to do!
What is your usual bedtime? 11-12pm

There you go. You know a little bit more about me now, than you did before. Aren’t you glad?

>Today is a very special day. Today is the 15th anniversary* of the night that ms. mac and I met.** We enjoyed a whirlwind romance and married only six months later, and today we are still together and still happy.
Admittedly, I exude a somewhat suffocating type of love but it is absolutely genuine and I love this woman more than ever.

I look forward to the next 15 years and cannot wait to celebrate 15.06.20.

Fingers crossed!

*Normally we don’t take any stock in those people who consider the anniversary of their meeting to be the start of their marriage, but for us the two events happened so close together that we will let ourselves off this time. Right ms. mac?

**ms. mac has a very funny and historically accurate post about the night we met and you can read it here.

>May I have the envelope please.

*pauses to build tension as the eagerly anticipated announcement is made*

….Jonathan….*crowd goes beserk*

Yes, lady and gentleman, I am pleased to announce that the wittiest and most amusing answer to yesterday’s What’s wrong with this picture quiz came from Jonathan of Whateva Sista! fame.

His entry “… because it’s a naked woman? As we know, naked women should not be allowed in public… Only naked men! But only the cute ones! ” grabbed the judges attention with its high camp sensibilities and typical cash in on the GaysTM and their amusing tendency to reject the female form as something a little bit icky.

Special mentions (in no particular order):

• Andi (There is a half drunk glass of beer on the first table! Who leaves beer? Not me that’s for sure!) Who indeed Andrea, who indeed?
• Gina ( The room is full of guys and yet there is a naked girl and beers left alone?????) Love the Gravatar pic too Gina.
• mrs b (perhaps the beer made her gassy and she let one rrrrrip??!?!) I hope not, that would be a shame to spoil the party.
• Karen (SHE’S NOT A “SHE” AT ALL! She’s a DUDE!) Ewwww! Thanks Karen, that’s another image relegated to my ‘private files’.

Thanks to all our contestants, but as The Kurgan in Highlander said “There can be only one!”

The pic was sent to me in an email and was titled Schwulenparty.jpg This is poingant because schwul is German for gay. Obviously, the originator of the email thought that the guys standing at the other end of the tent from the naked woman were exhibiting some homosexual tendencies. Jon managed to tune into that vibe (I wonder how??) and came up with his inspired answer.

The ACTUAL answer to the question is that there is a coffee cup in the foreground of the picture. What leather clad bikers (straight, gay or bi) are drinking coffee at a party irrespective of the clothing status of any nearby chicks?

Jon, keep an eye on your slot (mail not male) for your prize.

>Today, I’m trying something a little different. Yes that’s right, I am going underground to become an urban, guerilla cameraman. Have phonecam – will snap pics.

But what will you take pics of mr. mac? Well, I’m glad you asked. The answer is simple

This fetching number was seated opposite me on the bus. I concede that with skin that colour – she ain’t Swiss but it’s all in the spirit so for the purpose of the exercise, she’s in Switzerland – ’nuff said, roight?

As you can see, the ensemble is actually lilac in colour with a fetching trim of purple and lilac in a geometric pattern. The observant amongst you will note that the band which ties her braided locks matches the trim. The judges award this outfit very high marks.

Now, let’s see the competition -

Mmmm, socks and rip-zips (sandals with velcro fastening) – I’m all funny inside whenever I see this “style”. As you can see (apologies for the blurry pic – phonecams aren’t so great), he has teamed with that theme and added a jaunty little terry towelling headband. What an awesome display from the young man. The moustache, the daisies he painted on his camera body (I wish you could see them – they’re worth the admission price alone), the powder blue long-sleeved t-shirt. It’s a story and a total triumph!

Tune in next time to see what I manage to dig up whilst trawling the fetid underbelly that is urban Switzerland.

Bis Später, Tschüss

—End Transmission—

>Here is an interesting picture from a party that took place somewhere in Switzerland.

Today’s question is indeed, what’s wrong with this picture? The way I see it, something is glaringly wrong at this party. Can you see it too?

Answers on a postcard (or in the comments box) and the most correct (or most amusing) answer wins a prize. Most probably a packet of Choco Locos because that’s what we give away at chateau mac.

For a chance to win another great prize (a second packet of Choco Locos) go over to ms. mac and answer her simple quiz – but be quick, someone is bound to guess soon.

>Greetings my young Padawan apprentices. I have been waiting for you. Yesterday, as the midichlorians in his system were at their peak, we had to prepare our youngest for his final steps on the patth to the darkside. See here for details.

Now as you can see, his transformation is complete. I now present you with the Dark Lord of the Sith himself, Darth Ewan.

Hmmm, turned is he! Consumed him, the dark side has!

*No digital images were harmed in the production of this picture.

>Hello everyone, I’m sure you’re desperate to know what happened with the Nescafe Xpress

that I was duped to buy after seeing the McLaren F1 car on Thursday. Well the truth of the matter is that the drink was shite! It just goes to show that I was absolutely correct. If you dress it up well, and then present it with something that I couldn’t possibly resist, I’ll buy it.

But the mindless consumerism stops there! If it doesn’t taste any good I’m not going back. Lets be honest, there is no way on God’s green earth that drinking Nescafe Xpress is going to make me look like an early 20′s, blonde, Finnish F1 racing driver. I can’t see me squeezing myself into an MP4-20, no matter how much iced coffee I drink.

However, in order to consume some cyberspace, I present to you a nostalgic look at my favourite iced coffees through the ages:

1. Oak Iced Coffee.
   When we were little, we used to travel to North Haven for Christmas holdiays at my grandmother’s house. The whole time was at the beach and invariably I would fall off my bike at some point in the holiday. Unfailoingly, my wounds would be dabbed in Friar’s Balsom and I’d be told “Get in that surf and get the saltwater on the sore. It’ll do it the world of good.” Fucking stung like a biotch every single time…

   But the big point here is about the Iced Coffee. At a place called Hexham there was a dairy factory that ran a restaurant and we would often stop there for a burger and an iced coffee. This was before the Pacific Highway was a huge free way with nothing but planned McDonalds stops every 150km.

   

   It always tasted good and came in a glass. The Oak dairy concern got pretty big and they started to sell the stuff throughout NSW in cartons. A good brew, but a little to light on the coffee for my taste. Rating: 7.5 / 10

2. Moove Iced Coffee
   This was the big one in NSW for my whoile childhood. It came in a bunch of flavours; strawberry, chocolate, banana(?), lime and of course, iced coffee.

   

   I loved the stuff as a kid, and my lunch order from theschool tuck shop on Fridays (that was the only day I didn’t have devon and barbecue sauce) was invariably one sausage roll w/s (with sauce), one chocolate donut and one iced coffee Moove.
   Nostalgia rating: 9 / 10 but a little too sweet these days- Rating: 8 / 10

3. Big M – Victoria’s Finest
   When I first went away to join the Navy, Victoria was my home and I stayed there for more than a year with training and learning to wear my hat at just the right angle. It was here that my love for the deadly Iced Coffee Big M began. The stuff was amazing. We used to sneak out of thte recruit school in our sports gear and go over to the Millionaire’s Club a.k.a Millies (it was called the Millionaire’s Club because it was full of “payday millionaires – young sailors who spent everything they had on junkfood every payday till they were old enough to buy beer and then never set foot in there again) and geta crumbed sausage (ok, TWO crumbed sausages) and an Iced Coffee Big M. Pure manna from heaven. Navy cooks were called Fitters and turners because they would fit food into pots and turn it into shit, so the helpings of junkfood kept us sane. If we’d have only eaten the navy scran we’d be deader than purple A-line flares with pockets in the knees.

   

   Still an awesome drink, but not my favourite now that I have an adult palate. Too sweet. Rating: 9.5/10

4. IC Strong Iced Coffee
   This came out a little while ago and has been my firm favourite ever sice. It actually tastes a bit like coffee and is strong as! This one will keep you going long after the others have let you down. Goes perfectly with a sausage roll from Brumbys too. Rating: 10 / 10

The only disappointment here is that there is no picture of IC Strong Iced Coffee to show you what I am talkin about. Cannot find one anywhere. Today’s mr. mac challenge – send me a copy of a pic of the bottle and you’ll win a prize.

Can’t somone help a brutha out?

—End transmission—